You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
