No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize