I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
