I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
