please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
