census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
