We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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