so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
