There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
