Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
