Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
