You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
