did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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