When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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