Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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