My friends, they love my intelligence
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
