I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
