i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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