I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
