im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
