It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
