Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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