Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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