after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
