I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
