that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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