She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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