How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
