Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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