I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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