I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize