i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
