I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
