Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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