My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
