I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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