Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
