I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
