Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
