One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
