i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
