hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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