I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
