ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
