Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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