when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
