My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
