so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We talked him into tasing himself.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
