he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
