Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
handjob tips. give me some.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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