At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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