i just identified you from a description of your pipe
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
