You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
