2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize