Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How naked do you want me to be?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
