i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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