I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
