I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
