We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
