now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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