i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
