I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
