We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize