Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
