It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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