Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What drink are we having for lunch?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
