just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
