If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
