is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
