Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
