Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
