That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize