Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
