I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Operation Purity has been aborted
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
